This morning I went to Bible study with my BFF and I cried, complained, verbally vomited on her and swore once or twice.
Why would I share my deeply profound and moving time in God’s Word with you?
Yesterday I read a post from a young blogger who decided one night she was done trying to find a boyfriend. She knew God’s timing and boyfriend finding skills were better than hers so she decided to leave it up to God.
The very next day God brought her the man of her dreams.
Although the romantic in me liked this story, the part of me that lives on planet earth, didn’t. I like the young woman’s faith. I like how she stopped relying on herself and went to God. I fully believe God brought her a godly and wonderful man the day after she prayed about it. However, I struggle with the immediacy, ease and neatness of it (mostly because of my own crappy, frustrating and disappointing week of being a Christian).
Why would I tell you about my time in God’s Word cloaked with profanity and proverbial puke?
Although sometimes we pray for things once and the next day get what we prayed for, that sometimes is rare. My walk with Christ and I believe most people’s walk with Christ is beautiful, awful, messy, arduous, confusing, amazing and filled sometimes with hope and other times with my own hypocrisy. Just when I see God grow me, in his love He’ll reveals something ugly in me that although He’s already forgiven me for, He wants to free me from. As many days as I’m inspired and transformed, there are more days I’m annoyed and frustrated.
If you prayed for something last night and it came true today, I truly am so happy for you (kind of). But if you’re like me and you’re tired of being a disappointment to yourself, I’m so grateful for your company. If you’re like me and you had more of a throw up on your friend kind of day than met your dream man kind of day, know that is what most of my time as a Christ follower has looked.
Why would I tell you how depressing my Bible study was this morning?
Because being a Christian isn’t about finding Mr. Right, answered prayer and perfect people. Being a Christian means being human and being human isn’t pretty. Being a Christian means having friends awesome enough to listen to you whine and then helping you up using loving empathy and sometimes hard truths. Being a Christian means expecting more difficulty than delight, but trusting either way there still isn’t anything, anyone or any answer better than Christ.