I have not blogged for the past two weeks because I’m tired of being a Christian. I’m tired of being intentional. I’ve read my Bible, prayed and done other church lady things in the last two weeks, but I’m in a funk.
What does a funk look like for those of who are “really religious?” Well, I created a new Pinterest board called “Cute Outfits” and spent a lot of time and mental energy finding…cute outfits. I’ve watched several episodes of The Goldbergs and I’ve been listening to the Culture Club instead of Casting Crowns. I’ve spent more time getting dressed (because it’s hard work to look like the people on my Cute Outfits board) and I’ve been online shopping for (you guessed it), cute outfits. I’ve also seen Bible verses while looking for haircuts ideas, but when you’re in a funk Scripture feels cliché. God’s Word becomes tainted by my doubt, pessimism and exhaustion. The Lord will fight for me, I need only to be still? I usually love that verse, but lately being still means sitting at my desk clearance shopping. When I’m in a Jesus funk, I gravitate toward what is mindless, safe and material.
Fortunately, when I’m in a funk I do still believe some things about God without having to convince myself. When I’m tired, apathetic and don’t feel God, I still believe He created the heavens and the earth. I believe wholeheartedly that Jesus Christ lived, died and rose again. I still ask Him to protect my family and I still love the Psalms. When I’m in a funk, I believe life is hard with Jesus, but hopeless without Him.
Oswald Chambers said, “Doubt is not always a sign that a man is wrong; it may be a sign that he is thinking.” When I deal with doubt I’m forced to question what I really believe about God. I’m forced to weed out what pretty Pinterest Bible verses I question and which ones I couldn’t live without. When I get in Jesus funks I empathize with everyone who has “tried Jesus” with the best intention and hope of following Him only to be disappointed and disillusioned. When I get in these funks I become one of the people I’m trying to minister to who don’t care, who have given up and who watch too much TV because the return on investment with Jesus doesn’t feel…profitable.
Are you in a Jesus funk? Have you been there your whole life yet curiosity and the possibility there might be more to life and to Jesus keeps bringing you back? Congratulations. You are thinking instead of going through the motions. Is God concerned that we get fatigued and care more about camel colored boots and pumpkin decor sometimes? Nope. Not as long as after we realize satisfaction, meaning and purpose aren’t found on in other places (as awesome as Amazon.com truly is), we come back to Him.