This morning I asked God, as I have almost every day for about the last six weeks, to create in me a pure heart. On my way to attend the governor’s prayer breakfast today I asked God, as I often do, to keep me humble without humiliating me. I asked him to help me show less of me and more of Him. I prayed those things intentionally, purposefully and I sincerely hoped for it all, until He actually answered.
When I got to the prayer breakfast I saw the governor, several television personalities, professional athletes, pastors and other important people and without realizing it, I wanted them to see me. An old friend I grew up with who is a prominent news anchor was going to be there and I was hoping to reconnect and ask how his sweet wife and kids were. I knew some high profile business leaders from my church were going to be in attendance, too. I have another friend who is a professional sports announcer who I thought might be in town for the breakfast. But as I looked around the huge room filled with important people, someone really famous whispered something to me I’ll never forget.
“You do not need to be noticed.”
What, Lord? What do you mean? I realized in that moment I was being humbled without being humiliated. I realized I had been confusing being myself, an outgoing person who loves socializing with being myself to fill my inner longing for approval. Although God has given me the gift of words, encouraging others and a genuine love for people, I realized in that quiet whisper, I also have the propensity to define myself by who I know, who knows me and whether or not anyone notices me. Instead of having the unshakable humble confidence that comes with being daughter of the Most-High King, I am subconsciously defining my worth or lack thereof by whether I am noticed or feel invisible.
In that whisper, God answered everything I had asked him on my drive to the breakfast. He lovingly, though it didn’t feel like it in that moment, began creating in me a pure heart just as I had asked Him to. In his intimate and loving way, which is never easy or glamorous, He showed me what more of Him and less of me looked like. He reminded me when I ask him to make me look more like Him, that happens slowly, arduously and humbly and it always teaches me as much about myself as it does about Him.
Why am I a Jesus-girl? Because being a people pleaser is exhausting. Because defining my worth in the fleeting things of this world is hopeless and futile. Because Jesus doesn’t just help us look more like Him when we ask him to. He also gives us freedom, peace and life to the full when we let Him do His work.
All we have to do is be brave enough to ask.