Saturday I took a photography class. Fully embracing my Japanese heritage as I do, I have one of those big DSLR cameras that makes me look like a (half) Asian tourist at every band concert, sporting event and family gathering. I have always loved taking pictures but until now I had no clue how to really even use my camera. Much to my surprise, in one day I learned how to take almost professional looking photos (www.photographybyjillann.comfor any Lake Country and DFW friends with DSLR’s J). Even more surprising, about 20 minutes into the class I fell quite ill and almost lost breakfast in front of 11 women, most of whom I barely knew.
Why do I follow Jesus Christ? I follow Him for many reasons but bouts of nausea in a photo class, trying not to cry at my son’s 8thgrade graduation or starting a file titled “college” for my 17 year old are high on the list. I can get so bogged down with sadness of what could have been, of what should have been and of what I would do differently that it can completely take over my thoughts and emotions. That state of mind unfortunately leads to nothing productive, nothing godly and a nothing way of life. But in this season of graduations, birthdays and milestones I have been reminded by the Holy Spirit to move once again from “why” thinking to “what now” thinking. What does what now look like when it comes to mothering regrets? Through prayer and time in God’s Word I have been reminded I have a choice, not only everyday but sometimes every ten minutes. Am I going to choose to look behind or ahead? Am I going to focus on regrets I can’t change and time I can’t stop or on what I can do differently in the next hour? God has been reminding me that when I ask “what now” I move from a place of paralysis to a place of productivity. It is slow productivity, but by God’s grace it is a place that will lead in the end to less regret, more abundant living and fewer ulcers.