Last night I missed a detail. Again. I had successfully run my son to practice, stopped at the grocery store and timed getting dinner in the oven so it would be done when I got back from picking my son up at 7:30. I was feeling pretty good about life so I decided to quickly walk the dog before I had to leave. But before I got to the end of the driveway I got a text, “Practice ended at 7.” What? Practice couldn’t end at 7. It ended at 7:30. I’ll admit a profanity may have been audibled as I threw the dog in the house and jumped in my car. Worst of all, I couldn’t even speed to try to get there sooner (is it Easter yet?).
Later, after a good cry I asked my 16 year old what she thought. She first said, “I dunno” and kept watching Netflix (why are Monica, Chandler, Phoebe and Joey’s duck more interesting than me and I my problems?). She finally paused her show (when I wouldn’t go away) and said bluntly, “Mom… Are you trying to be the best mom you can be or are you trying to be the Mom God made you to be? Instead of getting mad about how God made you, maybe you should be thankful for the way He made you.” You mean embrace my inner Dory? Accept and be thankful that I forget to pick children up, can’t cook and forget my grocery list on the counter EVERY time? Be joyful that I can’t balance my checkbook, that I can’t keep a plant alive to save my life and that I have ADD? I don’t know how my daughter turned into Confucius by watching Friends, but I in that moment I was proud and incredibly grateful to be her mother.
“Dear Lord, thank you for the way you wired me. Although it frustrates me literally to tears some days, help me to accept where I am weak. Help me to trust that your strength is made perfect in the places I am the most inept and help me to trust whatever that looks like. You know I don’t want to let my kids down, I don’t want to pass on my trait of having to speed because I’m always late and I that I just want to be a good Mom. Thank you that despite all that, you have allowed them to turn out to be pretty wonderful, godly and incredibly wise young adults. Help me to trust that how you wired me will not only make me rely on you more and keep me humble, it is ultimately mine to be frustrated by or give you thanks for. Help me to laugh at myself and help me give myself the grace I would give others in the places I fall short. In Your Name, Amen.”