I didn’t have time to go to my friend’s house this morning. I thought about cancelling multiple times. Although I LOVE going to Kim’s Friday mornings to crochet, talk about our week, laugh, cry sometimes, pray sometimes and always, always drink coffee, this morning I had so much to do. I’m speaking at retreats this weekend and next and I’m not ready. It isn’t that I haven’t already put hours and hours into preparing but I didn’t feel ready (not to mention that I need to do my bills, clean my house, etc.). Yes, Psalm 15:4 about keeping your oath even when it hurts did cross my mind, but as I scurried around this morning in a crabby, overwhelmed mood I kept thinking perhaps I just had to tell Kim I couldn’t make it (we are close enough friends where I know she’d understand). But then I had a Spirit inspired thought that maybe I needed to go not for me, but for Kim.
God has been laying on my heart lately the sad reality that I sometimes joke about but know is true, I like me. I like to protect me, talk about me, ensure me is comfortable, never inconvenience me and orient my day and calendar around me. I don’t give it a lot of conscience thought, but my default is me. Some people genuinely think of others first but I genuinely don’t. So when God reminded me that maybe, just maybe part of being a friend involves caring more about someone else than myself, I made up my mind that I was going to quit stressing and go. Perhaps because Kim might need me today.
When I got to Kim’s I told her sheepishly that I might need more coffee. Because Kim has a tremendous servant’s heart for hospitality she literally jumped with passionate excitement and said, “I’m going to make you the best Americano ever!” And she did. During conversation over said best cup of Americano ever, I did a lot of talking. Kim gently encouraged me to share something with my son regarding a hard lesson we are going through with him. When I was lamenting about not being ready for my teachings this weekend she empathized and related a story about her struggle with the same problem. She reminded me that when we arrive totally prepared and totally “ready,” then the women we are blessed to lead and serve get us. When we arrive knowing that we did the work to the best of our God given ability and we still feel unequipped, unsure and a little nauseous, then we are leaving room for the women we lead and serve to get the Holy Spirit. I’m pretty sure I was tricked into coming to Kim’s this morning. Clearly, she did not need me nearly as much as I needed her today.
