Blogging the past two days has been painful to put it mildly. I am going through a very private faith challenge that is completely consuming and when you are distracted and preoccupied, witty insight is completely non-existent. When I was in high school I loved to write poetry. When I was in my twenties and thirties I thought poetry was for artsy hippies. For whatever reason tonight, this is all I have. It is raw and it is cheesy, but it is my heart. Lent leads us to the cross. The purpose of my daily blogging leading up to Easter was to help me keep my eyes fixed there. The purpose of my blogging was not to amuse or teach or inspire. The purpose of my blogging was for me to remember that my faith and eternal security cost something. So although I don’t want to post a hokey and depressing poem, the purpose of my blog must preclude my pride.
What are you calling me to, O God?
Why this challenge and why so hard?
But God I need to hear from you clearly or I will stay still.
You know my struggle and you feel the weight.
This is too big and too important and too much.
God I need clarity and peace; I need to feel your touch.
Thank you that you are still God and you still let the sun rise.
God thank you for all that you teach me in hard places.
Help me to quit being so fear-filled and faithless.
God, You have hemmed me together and know my heart.
You have brought me this trouble, this strife, this ache.
I don’t want to miss what you want me to take.
In the midst of this confusion that tears me apart,
Help me believe that you have something grand.
Help me be brave and trust your scary, scary plan.
God speak to me clearly and guide me in truth.
Just help me to know exactly your call.
I want to be obedient only to you, my all in all.