“Dear God, thank you that my husband is so gracious and keeps accepting my apologies. Lord help me, by the power of the Holy Spirit, to just shut my mouth more often than I open it. Thank you that you are so patient with me and thank you that nothing that comes out of my mouth is offensive enough for you to fail to forgive me. Help me to be obedient whether I feel like it or not and thank you that in that obedience I am learning to trust you more. Help me also to give grace to others when they are in a “mood” just as You and those around me choose to forgive me. Amen.”
This morning I was in a mood. If you’re a chic, you know this mood (not sure if dudes have this problem or not). It’s when everything bugs you; messy children, the dog underfoot, your husband reading the newspaper while you’re making lunches, the sound of breathing. Everything. The problem with this condition is I normally can’t seem to shut my mouth and every unfiltered thought comes out in all its unpleasantness. The only thing worse than the “mood” is another the four letter word that sometimes creeps into my head right after the mood; obey.
After I had chastised my son for not using a plate for his toast, yelled at the dog to get out of the kitchen and yelled at my son again for slopping egg on the counter (so glad he gave up eating cereal for Lent, not) I looked for my next victim. Enter Chris. We started talking about the update he made on our computer and instead of being thankful for him doing that I complained about my contacts not transferring over (despite the fact that without him I’d be writing this blog on loose leaf and mailing you a copy as I am completely technologically inept). He looked at me like they all did; hurt, confused and trying not to defend themselves (it would be no use when I’m in the “mood.”).
After Chris left for work the Holy Spirit convicted me to apologize. But not to text him an apology (my usual means of apologizing) but to call him. Per usual however, I had a few very good reasons why I was not going to obey this Spirit inspired thought:
· I didn’t feel like it.
· It was frustrating and time consuming to look up every contact in my inbox (just sayin’).
· I didn’t feel like it.
· I didn’t have time (one of my favorite excuses).
· I really get tired of apologizing for the same things over and over.
· What if Chris gets tired of me apologizing for my mouth again? Maybe if I don’t apologize he won’t be aware of what a hag I can be.
But the four letter word wouldn’t go away: obey.
Someone on Facebook applauded my obedience yesterday regarding my Lenten sacrifice. Behind the scenes, my obedience does not merit any kudos. Before I obey (when I actually do obey, that is) I complain, argue and rationalize disobeying. I often try to or completely ignore whatever I hear God calling me to do. The more I have gotten to know Jesus better though, the faster and more frequently I usually decide to listen, but I never like it or feel like doing it. Especially when it involves my marriage for some reason.