Yesterday I had a bad day. Blame it on the madness of the holiday season. Blame it on my completely ridiculous schedule. Blame it on hormones. The worst part was that I knew in the midst of my funk I should not only NOT be crabby, angry and frustrated, I should by all intents and purposes be on cloud nine. My children, husband and I are all healthy. No one in my family is struggling with anything particularly difficult, my husband’s job is going well and life is really pretty great. There are people in the world with real problems that maybe have an excuse to act and feel the way I did yesterday (and still somewhat today) but I am not one of those people. It was one of those days despite what I knew, despite praying and praying, despite anything that happened.., well it was just one of those days.
This is part of my journal entry yesterday: “So what do I do? I prayed last night before bed an honest prayer telling God, as if He didn’t know that I’m beat, that my house is a mess, that I can’t get it all done and that I’m trying.., I’m trying. I prayed that I needed Him and I also prayed about how rotten I had been to Chris and the kids. For Pete’s sake I just spoke about having joy when running on empty to 250 women last week and now I’m about to crawl in a hole and quit.., literally just quit.” Hypocrisy and PMS.., good times.
After writing that in my journal I was prompted to read my Bible (a novel idea..,). “Taking the five loaves and the two fish and looking up to heaven, he gave thanks and broke the loaves. .., The number of those who ate was about five thousand men..,” (Matthew 14:18b & 21). And after I read that passage of Scripture my day still rotted. My attitude still stunk. I still felt crabby and I was still mad and disappointed at myself. But after I read Matthew 14 I at least had this.., I gained a little perspective in my yuck. God whispered to me in that passage (because He knew all I could handle yesterday was a whisper) that what is impossible with me, my rationalizing, my efforts.., is possible with Jesus. He reminded me that I need to decide whether I’m feelin’ the love or not – do I believe all that the Bible says about Jesus and this faith I profess to base my entire life upon? Do I believe He has that kind of power? And if He does have that kind of power – what does that mean to me? And in that whisper I knew, though I didn’t feel it, that God could redeem my day, my exhaustion and the awful way I treat people when I’m having a bad day.
Today, I am still exhausted, still overwhelmed and still wishing the bags under my eyes would go away. My schedule is still crazy and I did cry this morning (again..,). However, His whisper yesterday reminded me. It reminded me that I DO believe His power is bigger than mine. And as I read the Psalms this morning (my “go to” whenever I am in this place) I realized that also believe that He is able and willing to redeem my life from the pit (Ps. 103:4 ). Redeem what felt and seemed like a wasted day yesterday. Redeem my short fuse with my family and all my complaining. Redeem means to “compensate for the faults or bad aspects of something.” Jesus Christ died on a cross for my bad attitude, ungrateful heart and words, all my complaining and has removed my sins as far as the east is from the west (Ps. 103:12 ). Having a bad day? Stressed out by the holidays? Remember that you are redeemed – it changes everything. “Dear God, Thank You, thank you, thank you…, for everything. Amen.”