It happens every year around this time.., that sinking feeling in my stomach. My eyes welling up with tears out of the blue.., Regret for time wasted.., Today was my kids’ first day of school. Last night after I tucked my kids into bed I went into my office to get something and saw my 9 year olds Polly Pockets positioned in their lounge chairs with their dogs and dog dishes right next to them. So sweet.., Why do kids have to go to school? I was a teacher after all, I could home school them (yeah right!). I love having my kids home and this summer was such a rip off for them. Packing, moving, unpacking, root canals. I wish I would have spent more time with them but now it is too late.
I was reading a story yesterday about a couple who found out the wife had aggressive breast cancer. The husband could barely handle finding out that his wife had cancer let alone the months of treatments and surgeries that followed. The couple shared however in the midst of their trial, they had a new appreciation for each other, their marriage and time. I wondered as I lamented about lost time with my children why we have to be that way. Why do we have to lose someone, leave someone or be hit over the head with a 2 X 4 before we wake up? So last night I wrote “What Matters?” on about seven bright gold post its. One is on my computer. One is in my car, one on my bathroom mirror, one by my cell phone. I want to spend time on what matters. I don’t want to look back at my kids’ high school graduation, my 30th wedding anniversary or on my death bed and have regret. I want to spend time on what matters – I want to trade time surfing the net for a walk with my husband. I want to read my Bible and pray with my kids not insist their rooms look like the one in the PB Teen catalog. I want to serve the Lord and the church Christ died for with His strength and for His purposes, not like a whining, defeated and sacrificial martyr. “Lord, thank you that you want me to focus on what matters so that I can live life abundantly. Thank you for the only day I can focus on and that is today. And after my post its lose their stick and don’t catch my eye anymore, help me organize my time and my days around what matters to You knowing in doing so I will finish strong and end with less regret. Amen.” (And please bless my babies on their first day of school..,)