I am a product of the 80’s and Janet Jackson was one of my favorite artists.  The big hair, the cool clothes, the amazing dancing and the of course those lyrics that taught me about all about theology and marriage…,

I have been married for over twenty years and in that time I have held tightly to the lyrics of one of Ms. Jackson’s best songs, the anthem of every woman; “I’m in control, never gonna stop. Control, to get what I want. Control, I got to have a lot.  Ill call my own shots, thank you. I  hope you enjoy this as much as I do.  Are we ready? I am? cause it’s all about control.”  Especially for outgoing and blabber mouth me who has been gifted with leadership skills and the ability to know I am always right.  I want to be the one in control and is it any wonder?  In Genesis Eve’s punishment was spelled out for all of womankind: “And you will desire to control your husband, but he will rule over you” (Gen 3:16).    

For many years I have prayed and longed for my husband to be the disciplinarian and spiritual leader of our home. I have asked God to give my husband the desire, knowledge and insight into leading our home as a strong Christian man. But what I have realized is while I have been crying out to God to equip my husband to lead, I have unknowingly thwarted any attempts God may have made by my having to be in control. How can my husband be the disciplinarian when every time he tries to discipline I correct how he does it, what he says and how he says it?  How can he be the spiritual leader of our home when I am the head dictator in charge demeaning him with my tone, body language and condescending looks.  Sadly, as I meet women where I speak and teach and as I work closely with them in ministry, I see that my control problem is not just mine and Janet’s.  As is always the case, the best way I can teach and influence others to walk more closely to God is to focus on my own faith walk.  Am I looking more like Christ?  Am I becoming less me centered and more others centered?  Am I becoming more patient and loving or am I just sitting around trying to control what everyone else is doing hoping they will change?  “Lord, thank you for giving me a patient loving husband who you have transformed into the spiritual leader and disciplinarian of our home once I got out of your way.  Thank you that only you can equip me in taming my control problem and thank you for an awareness of its influence in my life.  Help me to be cognisant of the way I speak to Chris, my tone and my body language and help me to treat him the way I want my son’s someday wife to treat him. Amen.”